FEAR

Debi, I believe God wants you to know...

...that fear is one of the main sources of cruelty. To 

conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.

Bertrand Russell said that, and he was right.  

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, "Fear and guilt are the only  

enemies of man." She was right, too.  

And Franklin Roosevelt famously said,  

"We have nothing to fear 

but fear itself." 

And to all a good night

Christmas 2013 is all but done.  It was a quiet day for the most part spent with Mom & Daddy.  It was bittersweet, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Gracie, Thomas and Andrew were able to go over as well.  Lohryn, Jon, Ellie and Hannah went back to the mountains yesterday.  Kaitlyn had to work (welcome to being a nurse Katy!)  but has gone over tonight.  I am so thankful it was a good day for him. He was able to be up for a little while, and he loved on some oysters:)  He didn't have a whole lot to say, but I caught a few grins and winks when, in times past, he would have had something to say..probably alot to say.  Today, it was actually Daddy who gave the gifts. The gifts of strength, even thought he is so very weak, and faith that has never failed him, even when people and circumstances have.  I know that God must be very proud of his boy and will welcome him home with open arms.

Love you Daddy, Merry Christmas and thank you so much for being a gift to me and the kids this year!

Daddy, Christmas 2013

Mom, Daddy, Gracie, Thomas and Andrew

Of love and loss....

While I'm typing this in the glow of the Christmas Tree, my heart is heavy.  I'm trying really hard to feel "merry & bright". But not so far from my thoughts is the knowledge that as I prepare for the joy of the Christmas season, I am also preparing for what will be daddy's last Christmas on this earth. He is tired.  He's real tired.  He keeps hanging on, for us.He went to the doctor on Tuesday.  His weight is down about 15lbs in the last 6 weeks.  He's nothing but skin and bone, but he's still my daddy.  His laugh is weaker, his eyes are rheumy, his skin is thin. Simply put, he is weak, but he is strong.  He is ready.  That knowledge comforts me immeasurably and scares the heck out of me as well.  I want him to be free, to rest.  It's not unlike waiting for a baby to be born.....you know it's coming, you just don't know when.  The signs are there, and you know it won't be long.  The waiting is tough.  He's worked hard his whole life and he's made a difference in this life of mine. I pray him peace, and comfort and God Speed when he gets to meet his Jesus face to face.  Until then, I will just continue to love....

Of Birthdays and Office Visits

Of birthdays and office visits

 Yesterday was mom's 74th birthday.  Lohryn, Jon and the girls were in town, so we got the requisite picture session at JC Penney's.  From there, we went to the requisite McDonalds lunch.  From there, I left to come home in case Kate called for a pick up from JW where she was doing clinical.  We met at JW for an appointment with Dr May, dad's oncologist.  Things are status quo there.  No real change, mom went there looking for answers that just don't exist as we know it.  There are no timelines, no concrete answers.  Mom really went in with the agenda to "shame" dad into being more active and doing more.

 Dr. May did tell him, and I don't disagree, that the less you do, the less you can do, but he also cautioned that "there's a fine line between nagging and encouraging", so DR. MAY GETS IT!!!  Daddy had a CBC that didn't look too bad; WBCs Ok, H/H a tad low, RBC 3.9. He is awfully pale, but eating well with a 1.9 lb weight loss in a month.  He is going to be rescanned in mid to late September and will follow up with Dr. Young and Dr. May in an alternating schedule.  The office gave mom a pamphlet on hospice when she left along with a copy of his labs and the scheduling for the CT.
Once we were done at the MD, we went back to mom's for dinner.  I made mac and cheese, carrots, bread and brownies for dinner  We ate, had brownies for dessert, the kids got a bath and then Lohryn & Jon were on the road for the mountains...such a busy(good) and confusing week....glad it's over I think!

Wednesday:  We met with Gracie in Lynchburg and had dinner with her for her birthday:).  Thomas went back to Blacksburg with 

her.  It is his hope to get a job there and eventually make a permanent move.  Hopefully, we'll ALL be in the mountains within the next 2-3 yrs:)

Kaitlyn and Gracie

Clearly Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn is my 25 year old nursing student daughter.  She is the second of five kids and has a heart of gold! She is in her last year of nursing school and works in an outpatient pediatric urgent care center.  She LOVES kids!  Her two neices can vouch for that!  When she's not studying, she can be found spending time with her sisters in the mountains of Virginia, or spending time with friends.  She loves going to the movies, the beach, cupcakes and coffee!   Katy is a funny girl and keeps me laughing.  She is honest, loves the Lord and has a true heart for helping others. She is so busy taking care of everyone else, that she sometimes forgets to take care of herself

trying on dresses for her sister's wedding

Katy with baby Hannah

making wedding favors

Why...

Psalm 343:18

Daddy 

Well the answer to that question is and always has been "why not?"  Life is a series of comparisons and contrasts.  It all seems to balance life out a bit. There are those situations though, that defy this simplistic equation of balance for me. WHY? Why does Cancer have to enter the life of a man who is nothing, but goodness personified?   We found out last week that daddy has Stage IV liver cancer.  It was a week of doctor appointments, scans, lab work and fear. The sum total of which doesn't change what is.  In all of my 30 years of being a nurse, I can count on two fingers the number of times I've seen the doctor shed tears over a diagnosis.  When I saw those tears, I knew it was serious.  My daddy has just taken the news with a quiet resolve.  Even in his weakness, he is strong.  Strong. Still trusting God, still having faith, still loving and living.  Man I want to have a faith like that!  So, we wait and contemplate...Chemo or no?  To do nothinig seems right wrong, but if that's daddy's choice, then it makes it right.....and the one choice that is ALWAYS 
right...well McDonald's Ice Cream and French Fries of course!  They taste good to him make him smile! Speaking of smiles, these two little monkeys make all of us smile everyday:)

Hannah G and El

I really don't know at this point what the future holds, but
I am so blessed to know who
holds the future.

New Year, new word

My one word...

GRACE:

GRACE

   [greys]  Show IPA noun, verb, graced, grac·ing.

noun

1.

elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action: We watched her skate with effortless graceacross the ice. Synonyms: attractiveness, charm, gracefulness, comeliness, ease, lissomeness,fluidity. Antonyms: stiffness, ugliness, awkwardness, clumsiness; klutziness.

2.

a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment: He lacked the manly graces.

3.

favor or goodwill. Synonyms: kindness, kindliness, love, benignity; condescension.

4.

a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior: It was only through the dean's grace that I wasn'texpelled from school. Synonyms: forgiveness, charity, mercifulness. Antonyms: animosity, enmity,disfavor.

5.

mercy; clemency; pardon: He was saved by an act of grace from the governor. Synonyms: lenity,leniency, reprieve. Antonyms: harshness.

That's it...the one word I'm going to try to live out this upcoming year of 2013.

Happy New Year
All IS Grace!
(Source unknown, sure wish I knew!)